COLUMBUS, OHIO -- With the Columbus Blue Jackets now mathematically eliminated from the Western Conference playoff race, GM-Eric has one objective in mind: make sure the Detroit Red Wings do not make the playoffs either.

Although the fate of the Wings will still depend on how other teams fair, a loss during their final match on Monday against the Jackets would make it all the more difficult for GM-Jean's men to clinch a spot in the post-season. "Assuming the Wings win their game-in-hand tomorrow, in order for them to miss the playoffs they will have to lose against us, and either the Coyotes or the Stars would have to win their last game on Monday."

To motivate the team and the crowd for Monday's big match-up, GM-Eric has ordered 200 brand new urinals bearing the Red Wings logo. Fans will be able to piss on the Wings all night long. On the ice, exiled starting goalie Vesa Toskala will be back in nets, and the team's big offensive weapons will be used to the maximum.