COLUMBUS, OHIO -- Over 10,000 fans showed up at Nationwide Arena tonight to watch the Blue Jackets take on the defending Stanley Cup Champions the Los Angeles Kings. Although the game was played in L.A., fans watched on the Nationwide JumboTron as their team destroyed the Kings by a score of 10-1.

In a rather unfortunate turn of events, just a few hours before puck drop GM Eric announced a new promotion designed to boost ticket sales in Columbus: whenever the team scores 10 goals or more, the Blue Jackets organization will treat each and every Jackets fan in the world to a free Small Coffee from Tim Hortons. Given that the Jackets fanbase in China alone is rumoured to exceed 1 billion, tonight's 10-goal performance is expected to cost the Jackets in excess of $1.4B in free coffees.

"I hired an extensive team of market analysts, accountants, lawyers and financial advisors to come up with a promotion designed to increase ticket sales. My only instruction to them was to make sure that the promotion was impossible", said GM Eric. "Obviously, they hadn't seen a Jackets game before", he added.

- BJ Express