FROZEN TUNDRA, MB -- In a surprise move, star centre Evgeni Malkin has decided to take a prolonged leave of absence from the Jets.
"I don't know. It's just...so cold here. Time to swim with the dolphins and play with lions. I miss the beautiful weather in the winter from where I was born, Magnitogorsk. It only reached -30 or so during the winter, so it was bearable. Unlike Winnipeg where you have to carry a commercial welding torch with you if you want to unlock your car."
When reached for comments, GM- Dumont expressed his disapointment. "Of course we would have rathered Evgeni stay with the team, but who can blame him? Have you ever spent a week in Winnipeg during the winter? Sometimes I try to miss my flight back to the 'Peg, but they keep holding the flight. In any case, of course we want our best player to stay with the team, but hopefully his mid-season vacation can rejuvenate the Russian cyborg. In the mean time we're going to put up palm trees along the roads and walk around in shorts. Yes, many Manitobans may die of hypothermia, but at least we have an outside chance of convincing Malkin that Winnipeg is not a frozen hell hole in the winter. "
At the time of publication it was -56 C in Winterpeg, and -68 C with the wind chill. Several bison were spotted huddling around GM- Marc Dumont's mouth. Scientists believe they are simply drawn to the plethora of hot air coming out of Marc's mouth.
Come for the wheat, stay because planes cannot fly out of the city during winter. Technology has it's limits!