We are currently here at the Tampa Bay Times Forum awaiting Lightning General Manager Paul Lamarche who has called a sudden press conference this afternoon. 3 p.m. arrives and the punctual g.m. enters just in time as per usual and approaches the microphone
"Hello everyone, thanks for coming in today on such short notice. Myself and the Lightning organization have made an acquisition today but not one that you may be expecting. It's no secret that the hockey club has struggled over the years and have recently gone through a re-building process but that should be over as soon as next season where we will finally have a team that our fans can cheer for. While we are looking a little bit ahead of ourselves as we still have 1 third of this season to play, we wanted to add a little bit of excitement for our fans starting right now. Without out stalling any longer, we would like to present to you former NEFHL star Jeremy Roenick as the new team writer for the Tampa Bay Lightning!"
Jeremy Roenick walks into the conference room and sits beside G.M. Lamarche surprising everyone in the room.
Lamarche continues: " Jeremy and I are here to answer whatever questions you may have"
Bob McKenzie immediately stands up to ask a question:
"Jeremy, first of all, congratulations on the new job. I must say, I am a bit confused by this annoucement. It's no secret that all the major sports television networks have been after you to join them since pretty much your retirement, why would you turn down all those opportunities to simply work for one franchise where you frankly, have no ties to?"
Jeremy chuckles: "It's very simple, FREEDOM! Paul has assured that I'll be able to write what I want about whoever I want, whenever I want. He is also giving me full access to anything and everything that I want regarding the team. I'll get to travel with them as I please, get access to practices, closed door meetings, everything! You guys all know me, I never liked to hold back on what I was thinking when I was playing, that hasn't changed. If I'm going to talk about hockey, I've got to be able to be myself and no major network would ever grant me that freedom."
Nick Kypreos is next up at the stand:
"Paul, this is very exciting I'm sure for your franchise to get such a powerful voice in hockey like Jeremy but I'm a little bit confused by the statement of freedom that Jeremy made. Can you please elaborate on that for us?"
Paul begins: "Basically as Jeremy said it, he'll be able to write what he wants and we will not influence him or get in his way at all. Listen, we've been struggling for a while now and we need to spice things up around here for our fans. We all saw the success that the HBO series 24/7 had. We want to bring that kind of realness to our fans. If Jeremy wants to put 3 F-bombs in one sentence then that's what he'll do. He's going to call it how he sees it whether its negative or positive in regards to everyone in our franchise."
Steve Kouleas then gets up:
"I get the freedom part of why you would join this organization, but isn't a team that sits in before last place in the east a pretty boring team to write about."
Jeremy begins: "Yeah, this team is garbage this year. Honestly, like Paul stated, this is all about next season. If you look at the roster for next year, they should be a fun team to watch and even more fun to write about. Originally the discusions were about starting next season but I thought it would be best to come in here now, get comfortable with management and the players now and give the fans an idea of what they can expect in future years from me."
He pauses, and then continues:
"Actually, I have a segment planned out for the next couple months titled "FLEECED or NOT" which I'm certain is going to stir some pots to begin and that will most definitely make Paul question giving me free reigns on what to write. Anyways, I've got a case of beer waiting for me at the hotel room, you'll all be hearing from me soon!"
Jeremy gets up and shakes Paul's hand and they both walk out of the conference room.