Columbus, Ohio -- Sources around the league have informed CBJ management that our team is doing fairly well this season. According to some, the Jackets are near the top of the Western Conference, only a handful of points out of first place. "If the information we are receiving is accurate -- and of course there's no way for us to know -- I'd like to be the first to congratulate the squad on an excellent first half of the season", said GM-Eric. "Our success goes to show that hard work and perseverance can pay off, but so can absenteeism and indifference", he added.

More good news has been pouring in over the past few days, this time regarding Jackets superstar Nikita Kucherov. The BJ Express is being told that Kooch is the league's top scorer with 51 points, and leads the league in goals with 27. "If true, this is not surprising in the least", said Eric. "La Couche is the type of player that thrives with little to no coaching and absolutely no practicing." When asked to explain what he meant with no practicing, Jackets-Eric confirmed that the team has indeed cancelled all on- and off-ice practices this season, citing a lack of time and interest. "It doesn't even matter", said Eric, "when you throw enough money at your players they just seem to motivate themselves."

GM-Eric is not sure who the team is playing over the next few weeks, but is confident that his team will hit the ice and probably win. 

BJ Express.