The Columbus Blue Jackets are free falling as of late, losing their last 3 consecutive games and 7 of their last 10 outings. The most recent loss came last night against the Phoenix Coyotes, a team that the Jackets have slapped around and just generally made their beotch in past meetings.

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Although they outshot their opponents 31-26, Columbus goaltender Vesa Toskala was unable to give his team a victory. When asked to comment on the recent performance of his team, GM-Eric had this to say: "I can't *****ing believe how badly we suck right now. In the last 4 games, we outshot our opponents 117-87 but have been outscored 13-9. That means our goaltending save percentage is 0.850%! Our netminder is really letting us down. You hear me Toskala? Wake the ***** up why don't you, we're not paying you $4.3M a year to look pretty in nets. And even if we were, you'd suck at that too. Ugly."

It appears as though the Jackets have recruited a new goalie and have been testing him out in practice for the past few days. "He's great and, unlike Toskala, he has a 1.000 save percentage. Check it out, I took some pictures of both goalies during practice today -- you tell me which one looks better:

Here's Toskala being Toskala. Notice that every single puck is in the back of the net:


Now check the new guy: flawless positioning and no pucks in the net. What more can you ask for?"


But goaltending isn't the only area of concern for the Blue Jackets; strong two-way play by the forward group has been severely lacking too. The player who epitomizes this fact the most is none other than team leader and captain Olli Jokinen, who has a team-worst -12 in the +/- despite leading the squad in all offensive categories (goals, assists and points). "It is simply unacceptable for Olli to be a one-dimensional player. He's the face of the franchise and the biggest role model for our youth, so he has to be a more complete player and show up every night", said GM-Eric. "On the other hand, look at Dave Bolland, a rookie who is playing way beyond his ratings. Dave leads the team with an even 0 in +/- and works his butt off on every shift."

In an effort to turn the ship around and get their key players back on track, Jackets management has decided to make Vesa Toskala and Olli Jokinen healthy scratches in the team's next game. Up and comers T.J. Oshie and Frans Nielsen will get their first taste of NEFHL action in tomorrow's match-up against the Los Angeles Kings. "We need to send a strong message that lazyness will not be rewarded and that our club doesn't stand for it. The two boys that we called up today will be eager to show their skills and I can guarantee that they'll give their best effort", explained GM-Eric.

In a related move, the Jackets have waived centreman Ryan Hollweg, who has been a disappointment all season long. Hollweg, who averages around 12 minutes per game, was stapled as a defensive specialist but has struggled immensely thus far. Not only is he a -10 on even-strength play, but he's a big reason why the Jackets are a dismal 19th in the league on the PK. An unidentified spokesperson for the club said: "For a guy who has very high IT, ST and DF ratings, we were expecting much more out of Ryan. We understand the possibility of him being picked up off waivers given his attractive contract, but we simply couldn't justify keeping him on the pro roster."

Lastly, the Columbus Blue Jackets would like to wish everyone in the league a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Watch for us to be making big moves in '0