In a moment of odd creative vision, after 18 seasons, and in response to a non-existent demand, I think it’s time to release a list of the top 33 headlines we will never see here.

32. Panthers GM Eric Creates Post-Trev Strategy

31. Bruins GM Posts “I’m not THAT Jason!”

30. Flames Goaltender Loses Starter Ratings, JD Files For Bankruptcy!!

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29. Hurricanes Attend NEFHL Draft!

28. Red Wings GM Meets All NEFHL Deadlines!

27. Avalanche GM Executes Undisputed Trade!


26. Montreal Hoists NEFHL Stanley Cup! (Hoist First Banner Too!)

25. Leafs GM Posts Complete Sentence on Forum Without Using “Trash”!

24. Sabres Draft Pick Makes NEFHL Debut!

23. Islanders Hoist Cup, GM Retires, Swears off Alcohol!


22. Lightning GM Misses Live Draft!

21. Predators GM Ignores Rule Change Discussion!

20. Oilers GM Decides to Rebuild!

Dildo Headline

19. Vegas GM Receives Strikes For Lack of Articles!

18. Wild GM Denies Being “Woke”!

17. Kings GM Receives Modesty Award!


16. Jets GM Turns Over Asset-Rich Team to New GM

15. Penguins GM Trades Sidney Crosby

14. BlackHawks GM Leaves NEFHL For Military Service!


13. Canucks GM Kyle Loses Trade!

12. Capitals GM Wins Mr. Nice Guy Award, Agrees With Something!

11. Seattle GM Admits Islander Fetish Still Exists!

10. Rangers Do More Than NEFHL Minimum! Swear off Donkey Nuts!


9. Blue Jackets Raise Second Banner to Rafters!

8. Stars GM Abstains From Beer During Live Draft!

7. Devils GM Fires AGM!


6. Sharks Fire Ken McBobzie!

5. Flyers GM – Perfection Achieved By Flyers Pre-Season Rankings

4. Blues Hoist First Banner Since Legendary GM Departs in 2017

3. Senators GM Drafts All Russians, Ignores NCAA!


2. Coyotes GM Nurses Team to NEFHL Stanley Cup!

1. Ducks Celebrate First Round Playoff Victory!

And finally...   Insider Refuses To Post Results!

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